j'etais malade

Having the sniffles - teary eyes, runny nose, sore throat, a slight fever and sneezing a whole lot. I've been huddled up in bed blowing my nose, drinking vile-tasting chinese medicinal teas, watching random videos, reading Delirium by Lauren Oliver.

Moving on from patheticity...

I've rediscovered Houdini by Foster The People and it has been playing on repeat. Definitely relatable.

Got shackles on, my words are tied

Fear can make you compromise

Fast enough it's hard to hide

Sometimes I want to disappear

avenir

I've realised that since I've stopped partying, I have practically no social life. My days have been spent alone in bed - sleeping, reading, watching previous seasons of TV shows, searching for new shows to watch, watching YouTube videos... Being a sloth basically.

For the past few days, I've been researching on degree courses in the UK related to advertising/design. Pretty happy that my parents are supporting my preference for further education - overseas! Sister would probably be going over too, leaving the folks behind but I'm sure that they'll be perfectly well without us around.

I've narrowed down my choices to these few: Northumbria University, Bournemouth University, Bucks New University, Edinburgh Napier University and Celsa Paris-Sorbonne (not forgetting my Parisian dream obviously heh).

For now, I think Paris is definitely out of the question as I don't have an adequate grasp of the language. If I really wanted to study there, I'd have to study 1-2 years of the language to survive lectures in French. That would probably take too long and be too much of a burden financially to the folks.

They say the best days to travel are when you're young. So this is my plan:

Bachelors degree > Air stewardess > Work > Masters (Maybe)

Having seen a senior working as a stewardess with all her fancy travel pictures, I figured why not travel and earn money while I'm at it? Granted, I would seldom be able to travel with friends but travelling alone is fun too! The money I earn while being a stewardess could be saved up so that I can have the extra dough to travel while working. I'd have my whole life ahead of me to work anyway...

At 20, I'll graduate from NP in May, start uni in September 2013, maybe get advanced standing for up to 1 year, finish uni at 22, complete the 2 year bond as a stewardess, maybe extend a year if I like flying, enter the working world at 24/25.

Sounds like a good plan for the future eh? :)

souffrance

It's not the first time I've realise that I have pent up anger but today, I have come into terms with it.

I build walls. To keep out people who may hurt me, even more so when they do it unintentionally. I keep it to myself cos I know if I point out I'm hurt, they'll think "here she goes being oversensitive (again)". I hate appearing affected/weak so I brush it off and go on pretending like everything's fine and dandy.

So, in a nutshell, I'm a walking emotional time bomb waiting to explode. Apparently, today's the lucky day.

"Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten."

I could brush off words that people say and not give a shit but I can't when it comes to family. If everything is said but nothing changes I'm just putting myself up for further disappointment and more anger.

It is the fear of disappointment that's holding me back from tearing down these walls.

I shall resign to bed and give up on the world and myself.

bienvenue à bord

Again, the incontrolable urge to start afresh.

Welcome to vertebres.blogspot.com, where anything goes.

P.S. In attempts to practice french, most post titles will be in said language.